


A True Flicker

by Crux01



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 11:43:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5495849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crux01/pseuds/Crux01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fan fic as therapy.... Copenhagen 2008 Peter and Astrid.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	A True Flicker

"Did you ever see him happy?"

Astrid looked up from where she had been pondering Peter's pale as porcelain, lifeless visage to regard Carrie with a questioning stare before she looked away out of the window.

It was getting late. Somehow it had gone dark outside and the orange glow of the parking lot lights sent strange shadows dancing on the window sill. Astrid needed to leave. She had so many thugs to do but over the past few days she had found herself unable to avoid the pull of this room. Silent save for the rhythmic beat of the heart monitor, stark and clinical, with walls of disinterested white, it had somehow ensnared her and she was having real difficulty in finding the courage to leave.

She looked back at Peter, her gaze taking in the sheer blades of his jagged cheekbones that sharpened the beauty of his face framed by the dark, smooth hair, so familiar and yet so different now there was no life to animate it. He was a perfect marble statue that her eyes were fascinated by, just as her body was drawn to this place of waiting.

"Have I ever seen him happy?" she repeated wistfully, managing to pull her glance up to Carrie as she realised the other woman was waiting across the bed for a response. Astrid snorted and then nodded. "Only once......."

........she was transported back to Copenhagen, winter 2008, a pretty little bar down a back street near to the Royal Palace. She had only met him a couple of weeks before but been smitten almost instantly. He was not the normal wise-ass, stubborn, overconfident CIA operative, he was quieter, more contained, yet he could deliver a cutting put down with the stunning precision of a killer. Worldly wise beyond his years, he carried a grim air about him that made others stop and listen whenever he chose to speak. She had no idea what he was doing in the Danish capital but she could guess. She told herself she had met so many like him before but she knew it was not true. She did not admit, even to herself, that he was different, he was special. Something behind his brash responses, his sassy one-liners, something deep down in the blue of his eye, something about his silence, his stillness, that intrigued her.

This night was different. This night there was something more than the prickly edges to him as he walked through the busy bar towards her. He looked mighty fine and she felt a warm, pulsating thrill in the pit of her stomach that it was her he was coming towards. She sensed the change then. He was normally so tightly drawn, so unreadable, emotion tied down and stored away deep. It wasn't that he was overly dramatic now. Anybody who did not know him would have still thought him reserved, but Astrid saw it, from the way he stood before her, a buzz of electrical excitement thrumming through him, the ends of his mouth trying hard not to turn up into a smile, expectation ripe and ready. Could it be for her?

"Hello Peter," she said.

He nodded. "Want to party?" His eyes twinkled with barely restrained warmth.

Astrid smiled, the little girl in her thrilled by his very presence and part of her wanting so badly to believe that his sudden change from grim CIA man to charming and debonair seducer was all her doing.

"So, what's the occasion?" she finally asked, enable to quell her curiosity at this puzzling change in a man she had known for only a few weeks.

Eyes twinkling like the stars on a very dark night, he smiled and replied simply. "I'm done."

"Done?"

"Yeah, done."

"Done with what?"

He waved his hand somewhat haphazardly around the bar. "All of their shit."

"Oh." Astrid rolled her eyes, trying not to let her concern show. "You going back to the States," she said nonchalantly.

He took a long draw on his drink and then nodding, he leaned in closer as if about to reveal major state secrets and said with a wink, "Got big things to do."

"Like what?"

He pulled back. "Can't say." His face was solemn and then cracked into the widest grin she had ever seen him deliver. "But it's gonna be good."

She gazed at him for a long time, wanting to know more but some sixth sense warning her about what he was saying. Aware that her feelings were vulnerable in a way her iron control very rarely allowed, she glanced around the bar and gave a satisfied smile that she was with the most attractive man there. Hell, she was with one of the most attractive men she had ever seen, made so much more so by his relaxed, good humoured manner on this night.

But it wasn't enough, Astrid's natural cynicism and previous experience warned her that with such bounteous beauty would always come a flaw. Still she was drawn into his orbit, pulled in by his magnetic force, part of her hoping that she could be that lucky, just this once.

His smile, bright and bold in its enigmatic strength, widened when he saw her looking at him. Yes, he was a heartbreaker, hot and dangerous, and yet displaying tonight a boyish charm that made him even more appealing. Despite her natural reserve, Astrid surprised herself by accepting that, no matter what the consequences, she would always choose to walk towards his flame.

"So what is it?" she pressed. "You know I'm very good with secrets."

He took another long swig of his drink, his excitement so tangible it was like a living thing. Puffing out his chest proudly he said "I'm gonna be a father."

And there it was a brutal shot to the already weakened defences around Astrid's heart. All the fledgling dreams she had begun to develop however hesitantly over the preceding weeks of their romance, blown away by one simple statement. And though it hurt her, it did not dull his allure one iota.

Her self preservation side kicked in, however, telling her she had known all along this was just a short term arrangement; two lonely people in a foreign town enjoying each other's company. That, and of course the sex had been terrific. There was never any future in it, never had been a chance, no commitment required, so why not enjoy it while it lasted?

"Is that so?" she responded with a brave smile. She raised her glass. "I drink to you!"

Peter raised his own. His excitement now sparkling like champagne bubbles. "I am gonna be such a good dad." His words were slightly slurred, his intense stare losing strength as his senses succumbed to the alcohol. "I am gonna do this right! My kid is gonna have everything, not like....." His smile flickered as his words faltered and Astrid saw the melancholy preparing to move in to take him.

"Well, lucky you!" She countered, banging their glasses together again to distract him. "I am sure you will be a great dad. Fancy that, leaving your job, going home, becoming a father. How wonderful, what an exciting time for you."

He sniffed. "I can do this." he responded, the blazing smile returning with added power. Astrid wasn't sure whether he was talking to her or to himself. "Fuck them all. I can do this!"

His enthusiasm was more potent than the hard liquor they had been indulging in and Astrid found herself returning the smile. "Well, I drink to that!"

The night lasted a lifetime. They drank the bar dry. They snuggled closer into a booth when the art of maintaining balance on the high wobbly bar stools became an impossibility and they laughed. He had a laugh that was warm and luxurious, as irresistible as hot chocolate on a bitterly cold day and Astrid, although her rational side fought desperately against it, knew she had fallen a lot in love with him. She stoically ignored that they were celebrating his leaving, his going back to another woman who was having his child, none of it seemed important on that perfect, magical night........

She pulled herself back to the cold clinical present, far from the hope and enjoyment of long ago. Carrie was still watching her, waiting for more but Astrid would not give it up. The memory was hers, and hers alone; she had precious little left of her Peter. There had been other nights, stolen from the pressure and stress of their work, hot, desperate passion squeezed from the grim reality of their lives. But he had never laughed, not like on that night when he had been so young, so full of hope, so alive. Nothing compared to it and she decided she would jealousy hold on to it only for herself.

She stood up, her chair jarring along the floor. "I have to go," she muttered. "Let me know if there's any news."

She bent and kissed his smooth forehead, gently stroking his hand, still and pale on the bed. And for a moment she saw his face alive with laughter and hope and his vibrant laugh from that night rolled through the lifeless air to comfort her.

She grasped the flicker of memory to her, clutching it tightly. It was all she had to hold against the cold, bitter world; it would have to be enough.


End file.
